05/24/2022
I feel like modern life is all about forcing things – forcing connections, forcing creation, forcing love. But the thing is, anything held together by force and coercion will never lead to good. Yet this perverted facsimile of love is treated like the real thing. It’s shoved down our throats to keep us satiated enough to keep moving, but it provides no comfort. We are effectively a society of starving dogs, all bones and sinew, longing hungry DESPERATE for basic emotional nourishment.
Starving dogs will eat anything. It doesn’t matter if it’s poison, it doesn’t matter if it’ll make them sick, because in that brief moment, it feels like the tastiest food in the world.
I don’t wanna be a starving dog!
It’s not enough just to get fed. I want to be eating good, I want to be healthy. I want my hair to shine, for my nails to gleam. Everybody in this world deserves to be a well-fed dog.
However!
In a world maintained by force, when we aim to be more compassionate, we think that sacrifice is the solution. We swing violently to other side of the pendulum. We think offering our flesh to whoever is starving is love and kindness. We think the more it hurts, the more our flesh runs ragged, the more virtuous we become.
Who is that benefiting? Certainly not you. It’s not right, bleeding all over the place, and anyone with a hint of care and concern for you isn’t going to want to see it. Really, the only people who benefit from these masochistic displays are those who revel in seeing your broken body. Is that the type of person you want to bring joy? Is that the kind of person you want to give sway over your life?
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How do we transcend these tendencies?
How do we bring balance?
What kinds of people should be in our lives?
When it comes down to it, I can’t say.
People are precious – each and everyone of us an expression of the divine.
People are ANNOYING! I don’t want to be around most of them, most of the time.
I love humanity!
But most people…I do not like.
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Really, I feel it all comes down to fit.
Let’s talk about clothes for a bit:
The platonic ideal of a fab outfit is that it looks good and feels good.
It looks good! Why would you wear something if you didn’t find it pleasing? The idea of covering yourself with something you hate looking at when you have the choice not to… that’s just too depressing for words!
It feels good! How can you walk around and carry yourself well if what you’ve got on doesn’t feel right? People associate fashion with discomfort, but there’s no need to live that way. A poorly fitted shoe can bring anyone to their knees, so why not take the time to find something that actually suits you?
It takes time, but style and comfort are out there for anybody. Me, I make it a point not to wear clothes that don’t suit me. I don’t hoard pieces that displease me, and I don’t hold onto things in the hopes that I get bigger or smaller. This simple lifestyle change has done wonders for my joy and self-image. Why be a fashion victim when you can live a life of pleasure and ease?
This is how I want connections with others to feel – just right.
Of course, clothing are objects, and people are not. Conflating the two creates the false dichotomy of domination and subservience forced onto us.
But if we expect more from our clothing than the people in our lives, then something, somewhere has gone terribly wrong.
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Ultimately, compatibility comes from things feeling right. There is no force, there is no violence, you can just be. That doesn’t mean things will never be painful – pain is the guarantee of life. But if it’s a good connection, it’s worth the maintenance, because you make each other feel good, you make each other feel seen.
It’s not just a dream!
Compatible connections are our birthright, as much as clean air and sparkling seas.
Published 6/27/22