☀️ It’s soooo fucking hot….Heat truly brings an altered state of mind. It makes the day long and people drive crazy. Combined with the collective loss of self-preservation instincts in regards to the worsening plague…. I mean if I’m going to be avoiding people, it’s not a stretch to avoid the sun too 🧛♂️🧛♀️
☀️ Being this sequestered isn’t my ideal state of being. But what can you do. You can’t control people. Not into playing the role of Cassandra, pleading with people incapable of hearing me. And I definitely don’t have the energetic & material capacity to give people the support they need to change their behaviors. It fucking sucks, but it is what it is. Things are wayyyy better when you don’t waste so much time trying to prove yourself. Society does all it can to break you down, so, I do all I can to pursue pleasure and leisure 💖
☀️ Speaking of society breaking you down…that’s a topic related to my most recent essay, On Compatibility. My recent drawings are, this lovely home dinner scene and an exploration of these characters.
☀️ It’s slow going because it’s slow going and it’s going to be slow going till it needs to get going.
☀️ In all earnestness and honesty, I don’t really want to be full speed publicly existing until I have the core concepts of my internet series essays published. Once I get started on whatever’s next in this life, I’m going to lose that thread, and 1) I really want that series finished so I can just link those essays instead making new pieces for the same thoughts and 2) I really want all these internet thots I have out of my head so they can stop rattling around in there. And essays take a lot of time and space to thoughtfully craft.
☀️ That’s the heart of it all right now, really: I need time and space. I don’t know wtf I’m doing or where the fuck I’m going. But do I know repeating the actions of what I was up to pre- 2020 will bring no joy or comfort. American society is like a being pressed down with a metal pressing machine at all times, the pressure increasing more and more. But what am I supposed to do, roll over and die? Not on your life!
☀️ Anyway, I watched Conan the Destroyer the other day and can’t stop thinking about Conan. The obvious influence on Skyrim and D&D and all of that. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s big fat bouncing tits. The fact that Conan came to be while on a trip in the RGV. But also like… Robert E. Howard shooting himself the head at age 30 some because his mom was about to die. Like. What??
☀️ With the massive documentation on this guy’s life, it makes more sense — he was a burnt out “make America like it was in 1776” type guy. Reading back and forths between Howard and Lovecraft being racist shitheads feels like reading 4chan, but like…100 years ago. It’s a strange feeling. Not even vile internet losers are anything new, it was just in a different medium then. So much has changed and yet nothing has. Frustrating and irritating.
☀️ This textual landscape is good tho:
That is exactly how it feels to come back home.
☀️ Anyway, watched Red Sonja yesterday and it was definitely a film. Some parts felt like things were just…happening, while other parts were fab (we stan an evil hardheaded lesbionic queen 👏). Overall lush and evocative, if not cohesive. Sometime soon, I will watch the first Conan movie and the trilogy will be complete.