Officially speaking, “I’m 25”, but when we look closely at things….
People are free to define adulthood however they want. If someone thinks it’s, marriage, kids, and house, I don’t think that’s right, but…that means I’m free to have my own definitions that same (WRONG) person finds repugnant.
Anyway my definition of adulthood is very simple: sustainability.
When I was a dazzling glorified teen, I could not comprehend a future where I was both alive and happy. The world beyond the now was a nebulous, grey blur. My inevitable “fall from grace” then allowed me to explore more of the world previously forbidden to me on grounds of being low-class, loser-ish and/or corrupting… I realized this feeling was not special at all, it was simply not openly spoken about among people of my upbringing.
I am inclined to think this is a universal feeling, the inescapable shadow of youth.
I mean…you can’t comprehend what you haven’t experienced. Once you’ve had your shit rocked, you ideally realize you’ll be able to remake yourself again and again. But kids (anyone 23 and below is a baby….) think it’s literally the end of the world. And they’re right! It is the end is their world. But they can’t yet see the world they currently live in becomes the foundation for the next.
A common life stage after the total dissolution of childhood is, non-stop partying. The world you grew up with is a lie! You can do whatever you want. Ignorance of the life ahead of you becomes an armor of invincibility. The possibilities are endless!
…Theoretically.
In the universalized shadow of youth, the only thing concrete about existence is all the ways you fall short. Life is a painful burden, a curse. Chances are, out of anybody, you hate yourself the most.
I think it’s so important. To party and have fun. To explore new worlds and find different ways of being. But, I don’t think most people are having fun. I think they’re running away from things.
And you know what? That’s fine.
As long you’re not killing or hurting anybody (and you count as somebody). That’s fine.
Partying and addiction are sometimes the only options people have. I’m not saying go pick up a whatever addiction because it’s cheaper/more accessible than therapy — I’m saying to just understand it if that’s what you find in the people around you. Have compassion. Be kind.
If someone is in a state where they can’t even sit with their own sober thoughts most of the time, they’re dealing with a pain far beyond what you, a singular person, have the capacity to do something about. If you cannot or do not want to give them the help they need (and not just the help you think they need), the nicest thing you can do is just leave them alone.
Of course, that pain isn’t carte blanche to treat others like absolute shit. Simply having self-hatred and self-minimization doesn’t mean you have the right to treat others with the same callousness and lack of kindness. So many people are looking for a human punching bag, a living trash can, justifying it with, “I had a hard life.” Well you know what, everybody has a hard life. If this shit was easy, everyone would make it to a ripe old age unscathed.
Anyway.
There comes a time when you start to feel the accumulation of all the actions of your life. You can no longer push every single limit all the time. If you haven’t been listening to your body, it’s probably seething, gnashing, weeping, begging you to pay attention to what it needs.
The invincibility of ignorance recedes.
Despite it all, you’re you. You always have been, you always will be.
Since “I’m 25”, I can’t really speak too much on the timeline, but I feel it happens around ages 28-32, the time of the Saturn Return. Or, more concretely, age fourteen times two.
I don’t remember where I picked this up, but I’ve assimilated into my world view that the amount of time it takes to get over something is the amount of time you were involved in something. So, to get over being 14 (a universally painful condition), it would take another 14 years. It’s only then, with the antidote of time, that you can look at that era with some distance and compassion, and forgive yourself for being “a fuck up” (a multidimensional human being with unique needs and desires coming to awareness that you live in a world that can and will violently shove you into a flat rigid mold while you’re still effectively your parent’s property and have no context for understanding any of this and are actively discouraged from having any sort of personal power).
Not only that! But the concept of living another 7, 14, 30 years becomes much, much more clear. You’re not just living for the present now — you’re living with a look of love towards your past self and a sense of joyful duty towards your future self. So even though you can’t push every limit all the time…you don’t want to! Because that’s not sustainable.
And that’s what I believe: you become a “real” adult once you’re willing to lead a sustainable, self-preserving way of life.
Of course, that is my ideal. By the nature of being a living breathing being, I will never quite keep up to an ideal.
But you know what? That’s fine.
Because I’ll keep trying.
I mean, I could be wrong about everything — I am only “25”.
But as long as I’m on this ride, I’ll keep learning what it means to be alive.