In real life, I have noticed an interesting zine trend — a zine made to ask for something. There was one I saw looking for a job, and another one looking for someone to date.
At first it was shocking, but then I saw it as a natural Gen Z variation of things. If the world is going to shit, why beat around the bush? Why not directly ask for what you want?
So, I’ll try it too!
Hey–
I want money!!
Please give me money!!
Hee hee.
But really…
While I am too stubborn to just pack up and go, whether that applies to Twitter or Texas, I can’t help but feel that maybe my internet presence is kind of a liability?
I’m not making any money off of it, obviously.
I do find it satisfying to post what what, whatever I want, and have the ability to find the best information and pictures of cute guys, it’s also like…well the only thing I get from it in the material world is strange comments in real life. Nothing bad or anything, but it’s like…??? I don’t know how to respond to that.
I mean, I understand that people are just trying to connect or whatever, and I myself say weird shit just the same. But as I have said before, the internet functionally acts as a place to express repressed thoughts, so it’s like…more likely than not, I don’t want to have a conversation about that. Honestly I don’t even want to have conversations about covid in real life at this point in time (as it inevitably devolves into attempts to dominate my behavior), so…
I guess it just feels like people want me to post anime booby girls like I used to, but I mean…I can’t. I don’t want to! I still doodle it, of course, and even post it on occasion, and that’s good enough for me. Beyond that…that feels like a huge vulnerability.
In one of the last cons I went to (pre 2020), Toshio Maeda, the tentacle master himself, had a panel. He talked about how since he draws hentai manga, girls are always aggressively propositioning him for sex. It sounds a little funny, and maybe in the beginning that’s fun but, after a while…doesn’t that sound exhausting? People so blinded with how your work makes them feel that they can’t see the living, breathing person in front of them?
Or rather, wouldn’t you say that increased visibility without the necessary support is just painting a target on someone’s back?
Sometimes I entertain the thought of being totally anonymous and just going nuts but I simply don’t know how. I genuinely have no idea how to make money on this thing, how much less how to do so without getting doxxed.
So much for that!
But it’s just as well, because I feel totally out of step without the modern online nerd sensibility. It’s not bad or anything…I’m glad everyone’s having fun…it’s just not for me. It’s very much downstream of the “main” American culture (I live on the border), and as the years pass, it appeals less and less.
It’s a little frustrating, actually….Bluesky feels like how the internet used to be. And yet…
Am I…
Am I secretly a normie?
Ha…haha….*thousand yard stare*
The dream of the 90’s is dead and the tech bros killed it. They were fine when they were just scrappy young people trying to make something new! But now that they’re in charge… they ruined society and the internet in pursuit of fulfilling the most annoying ideals spewed by the most annoying people.
Like…fuck!
Why are we being oppressed by these people?
I remember how the internet used to be! And it was good!
People had goofed around, making funny pics and videos, not because they wanted to go viral or make content…but because it was fun. Open source (free to use and be built upon) was considered noble, viable enterprise. Art and knowledge a flowed freely, like an infinite sparkling river.
Was it perfect? Absolutely not. This (free) game probably explains it better than I ever could.
But damn!
Goddamn!
It was beautiful!
Anyway, I’ve been really into “having fun with stuff I already have” lately. With some tarot cards…a pound of early 2010’s dice…and some social justice itch.io bundles…you can have fun with solo tabletop rpgs for a real long time! ~15 years ago, there weren’t many, now there’s a bunch….very interesting.
It’s also quite accessible to find out the memes and lore of TTRPGS in general, as it’s a relatively small scene.
And the vintage websites!
I like this page detailing ideal group mores, and this one that has information about every game up until the mid 2000s. While I know that logically, much like the 80’s otaku scene, I probably wouldn’t like being in these spaces as they were in reality, but… the idea of a group of people meeting week after week to exercise their creative will together just for the fun of it? What a lovely thing!
Ultimately, money should be fun.
I mean, everybody loves money! It’s fun to give away, it’s fun to spend, it’s fun to hold.
Money in itself isn’t evil — it’s simply a symbol of connection, of how much we can run freely in the world without having to grovel for our right to exist.
Connection is scary because a prerequisite is being vulnerable. But I suppose having no means of contact is even more scary and abnormal, and builds up that strange energy I’m trying to avoid. So, here’s my email!
Thanks for reading and have a great week!